My Role Model, My Choice

Since childhood, I think of being someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, or Hugo Weaving in the recent Matrix trilogy or anyone I am fond of on the silver screen. These desires were only part of my dreamworld; not those things which drive me crazy. I get excited when I see those guys in movies. Even now, sometimes when I am alone, I talk to myself delivering all the dialoguesin prominent movies in the way these guys deliver. Its not only about these celebrities, I also wonder about how beautifully these innovative movies are made; for instance films by Chris Nolan and James Cameron are my all time favorites. I even think of becoming like them one day. When it comes to music, I get inspired by Oasis, Iron Maiden and Metallica. I wish I could write songs like Oasis and Metallica or even play music like Iron Maiden. The songs are simple; but they have so much meaning in it. Music composition of Iron Maiden just turns me on and takes me to new world all the time.

But hey, wait a minute, where am I heading? My skills are different, my qualification is different. All these things are way different to me. These guys are unreachable unless you are fully involved in it. Well, I always admire those people who work with me and who have better skills compared to me. I have seen people who design solutions to the most complicated problems we have in requirements. And what's more - these people inspire me to follow their path. Share their knowledge, make me learn new things and deliver better. These people are not celebrities, but they just normal people who meet me daily and I sit next to them at work place or at lunch. So, a sense of hope arises in me to tell me "If they can do it, why can't I?" All it takes is a little push to get me going in the path to learn what they have learnt and be capable of what they are doing or do more than what they have already done. Believe me, these guys are not my managers or supervisors at work. I hang out with them, have lunch, tea breaks, etc. Earlier I thought, its not good or cool to discuss about the things that I want to (technical stuff, to be precise) during breaks. But, in fact, its perfectly all right to talk about it. Some people like the topic as well. So, my thought processes matches the way they think. Thus, they don't fail to inspire me. It really matters how I choose my role models.

The whole idea is its not necessary that a Hollywood big shot or hit single musician to be my role model. It can be any one around me! Well, when it comes to movies, music and books, these celebrities are with me to keep me happy and occupied. Inspired by Chris Nolan's screenplays, I am thinking of a really good plot to write a script. Apart from blogging, I believe writing scripts is also a good choice as a hobby. Hmm, learning to write songs (like Oasis) is also not a bad choice. But, I find it unlikely, because I don't possess the built-in skill of being poetic. I had began writing script for a simple story and screenplay was more or less like Memento. I couldn't think about complete story and a strong plot. So, it remains unfinished. I can't sit idle, can I?

Expecting Expectations

Expectation - one word, different meanings. This is one of the things which troubles my mind and I fail to draw a line to conclude this is how it should be. I am going to say about just one meaning that explodes into many things. I am sure many of us have faced situations like the one I am about to tell here. As human beings, we all have many expectations. But, expectations from people whom you think are dear to you are of special priority because dear people are bound by relationship.

Expectations from dear people can range from the most silliest things to the most enormous things. If you get what you expect from them, you will be the happiest person on earth; unhappiest otherwise. And as far as my experience goes, the silliest expectations hurt the most. I cannot call them as silly because we have feelings, that's why we are humans. What good is a life without feelings? Let me elaborate on this point.

I meet new people. We gradually become friends. We quickly become good friends. Now I start giving in more of myself into this relationship. Just when we are about to know each other well and everything is going on fine (no collisions of any sort), strange things happen. Friends stop talking to me. I try to call/text/mail them, no responses at all. I am unable to figure out what went wrong between us. Relationship becomes  fragile instantly. I cannot even call it as friendship. Another instance: friends will think of me only when they need help. They won't even care whether I am dead or alive rest of the time. The most annoying thing about this is I come to know I am puppet only some months later. My questions are: Why lose touch suddenly when a simple "Hi" once in a while would have kept me happy. Or at least let me know what is wrong with me. Why think of me only when there is purpose? I have highlighted friendship here but I have faced these annoying things in other types of relationships as well.

Having experienced such things, I have realized these people don't deserve to be my friends at all. I believe it is the Lord coming to the rescue. I have the sense of judging people's character. Before they judge me, I am quick enough to judge them. This sense fails sometimes. So, it is by His divine power I am protected by all negative forces. Not only under these circumstances, but in many other cases as well. This belief not only acts a recovery from grief but also allows me to hold my head high and keep moving on. It is stupidity to have many friends if we fail to understand each other. I have a handful number of friends and I am very happy to have them as friends. Once in while, even today, when I think about those people who lost touch (weirdos) with me or about those self centered people, I feel very sad and I lose myself in clouds of  thoughts to realize what went wrong. Now I take care of myself in such a way that those people should never enter my life ever again. I wish them to be vanished into thin air.

The Facebook Song

Winding up this silliest expectation, here is an example of high expectations. I have seen high expectations from grown ups: people who are middle aged or mostly in their 50s or 60s or even some of them have in their natural instinct. When I was a kid, people did many good things to see me happy. Even today, many good things are being done with a thought that I will in turn satisfy their expectations. And these are not just expectations, but they are intense desires. This doesn't end here. They shamelessly ask "I have done so much for you, what have you done for me?" Now this is where it causes immortal pain! If they have such expectations at the back of their minds, why do anything to me? The side effect of this is you will become very stubborn and you will promise yourself "I won't do a damn thing for them"

I have expressed about a smallest sector of many instances ever possible in many situations. Enough said! I feel so much better now. Taking a break. Don't know how many of you will feel this as a crappy subject, I just wanted it to let it out. I will be back with something new again.