Teacher's Best

This is yet another fun filled experience of my school days. It happened when I was in ninth grade (back in 1999). I was good in science, especially in physics. And I always scored well in science tests. That impressed my science teacher. She was fond of me for this very reason. She used to overlook all the small mistakes I did, saying "That's OK Amit, but it's not going to happen again, right?" and I used to respond back to her with my sweetest smile.

One day during her class, it was nearly lunch time and she was teaching about Newton's laws. I was partly bored and more hungry. I was eagerly watching the wall clock. It was few minutes left for lunch break when suddenly she said "I'll extend this session for 15 minutes more. I've got to finish what Newton says here" Despite the bad joke, the whole class erupted with chorus "Oh!". "Tut tut! Be quiet!" she said, in an angry tone which made the class go silent. I was sitting in the last desk and my close friend was in front of me. A minute later, I bent down slowly, made sure she wasn't watching me and then "Time is up!" I snapped. I was relieved to observe that no one saw me.

She looked up to see who it was and she continued her lesson. Then she stepped down the podium, started walking slowly, towards my desk holding a fat book in her hands. Without actually listening to her, I started pretending to be more attentive. Then instantly she lifted the fat book with her hands and swung it down with great force and  BAM! The hit came like the one from a sledgehammer on my friend's head who was busy taking notes of the lesson. "Time is up, huh? You think you're too smart enough to escape my eyes and ears?", she shouted. I laughed silently. My friend couldn't control his anger. He turned red with fury. Now, who wouldn't get angry if one gets a hit on the head? He stood up immediately and roared "That wasn't me! It's him!", pointing his finger at me. I looked up to face her feeling ashamed. Unable to accept this fact, feeling very sorry for that guy and equally disappointed with my behavior, she said "Meet me after lunch!" in a controlled tone. Feeling disgusted, I nodded.

After lunch, I went to her staff room. I was very apprehensive about the consequences. She sat behind a desk busy looking into some papers. She looked very calm and was glad to see me. When I sought permission to enter "May I come in ma'am?", she began "Ahh Amit, there you are, my best student! Come on in, take a seat. I am really surprised with your unexpected behavior today. How could you do that especially in my class? I am feeling embarrassed and very bad that I hit that poor kid. You think he'll be fine? Promise me you won't do that again. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me, alright?" I was completely taken aback by this unanticipated turn of events. I was wondering something really bad will happen to me. I said "I am sorry teacher. I couldn't help it because I was very hungry. It won't happen again and don't worry about that guy, I'll take care of him. He is my friend", with my sweet smile :)

Am I the only one?

PROLOGUE

Winter of 2005, Hubli

I called my best friend when I was done with my exam today and had started preparing for the next. We are in the same class. No doubt, he is a star performer. I generally call him to share my sorrows; whining about the mistakes I did, blah, blah, blah. Then he gives his usual pep talk that makes me feel better and gives me some confidence. He doesn't have any issues with exams, because he always does well.

NEXT DAY

In the examination hall, question papers were handed over to all of us. I started biting my nails almost immediately. I couldn't make head or tail of the sheet in my hand. I read it two to three times with a hope to understand some questions and decide what to pen down in my answer sheet. But, nothing! I couldn't make out where to begin. Its a human tendency where you expect everyone else should be having the same problem. When I looked around the hall I was surprised. Most of them had started answering with their heads down holding their pens up right firmly. I felt a strange fear growing in me suddenly and I started talking to my self: "Am I the only one unable to answer a thing? I am in deep trouble! I should have prepared well. It's your over confidence that has ruined you now. You are gonna fail today. You're done. Its over!"

After a short while, making sure the supervisor isn't looking at me, I turned back slowly and looked at my classmate. His agitation caught my eyes. He was reading questions and scribbling something in his answer sheet in a strange way. Then he looked up at me. I raised one of my eyes brows: "Everything OK?" His reaction was instantaneous. He made ridiculous gestures with his hands and his mouth was full of curse words. This meant nothing but: "I am screwed up badly man! I am dead!" and he started banging his head to his desk without making a sound. Being highly satisfied, I acknowledged him with a muted comic laugh. I was happy to know we were sailing in the same boat. He understood even I was in a same situation. Eventually, I could make out that almost everyone were in our boat. All my answers for that exam were broken.

When I returned home, my mom informed that my friend had called and he would be calling back. "He called me?" It surprised me because it was me who used to call him usually. The phone rang again and it was him. The moment I picked up the receiver, he spoke in a disturbed voice "How did it go today? Man! I am so pissed! Who the hell set those questions. I wasn't able to answer even one of them properly." I was even more relieved now and laughed out loud. He asked me intently "You did well? How? Wasn't it difficult for you?". Now, I was the one to calm him down: "Just chill yaar! Everything will be OK. Everyone is screwed as badly you could ever imagine. Its not just us. I think all of us will clear this exam." I remember it was only in this exam he had performed very badly in four years of engineering. Most of us cleared this dreadful examination. I heard the evaluation was lenient.

EPILOGUE

This is one of many fun filled experiences during my engineering days. This post brings out how our funny brain works. Its not that it wishes bad for others, but it finds ways to comfort itself. If it is having a hard time, its curious to know how others are doing. If others are facing the same problem, then it won't be happy, but relieved. Otherwise, it will become restless and starts to panic! Because it knows I am the only one going down. 

Consolation Prize

The excitement was high and there was chaos everywhere I looked around. It was the Annual Sports Meet in my college. And guess what? I was the organizer of all the events and competitions. The "organizer" post does not come for free. It needs to take care the needs of all my friends. Everything was going on fine until one of my friends, Pakya, came to me with a peculiar problem.

"Hey man! I don't have any opponents for the contest!" Pakya said.

"Yeah? That's not good. What kind of sport?"

"100 meter running race. And I can't believe I am left all alone!"

"Oh, I see. Don't worry. I'll find few opponents for you. Gimme some time. Okay?" I said with confidence.

"Alright! Fine, I'll wait" he replied and left.

I caught hold of couple of people assigned them the job of finding athletes for this event. They searched for people in different departments and finally half an hour later, they came back with three opponents. I was glad and Pakya was beaming with confidence now. He was fully pumped up and started warming up for the race right away. So, this competition was finally scheduled, I wished him good luck and I got busy with other things.

Few hours later, the race was over and I was eager to know what the outcome was. Being sure that Pakya would have won the race easily, I looked for him to congratulate him. The result was hilarious. I couldn't control my laughter as it turned out to be a practical joke. This guy, this very guy, Pakya, for whom we found opponents to compete with, had lost the race. He finished last! It was unimaginable. And we were just ROFL. (I bet he looked like Sid the sloth from the movie Ice Age making the face as displayed here)

And during the prize distribution, a new prize was introduced in addition to the top three winners - the consolation prize. This was even more hilarious. This prize was awarded to him not because he stood fourth, but because he was the one who made the event happen. The poor guy felt awfully ashamed of himself. We teased him very hard on that day. To this very day, this comedy left a permanent mark in our memories: "You could have won the race running alone or you need not have competed at all. We could have declared you a winner on the spot!"

*    *    *

It is my brother who shared this story with me. It happened during his engineering days. I keep reminding myself of this story very often and laugh about it.

One morning...

I kept on looking into a frame of glass

Feeling very strange to see a man just like myself

Rubbing his cheeks with fingers on black grass

Watching him closely to find he had lost himself

I heard my name being called out loud

Urging me to make it real quick

Soon I realized I was in a misty cloud

Waking up myself to the noisy kick

I hate to see it fully grown

As it makes me look hopeless

Hate to spend time to cut them down

Wondering why can't I grow ageless

Now there is no escape
I've to give my face a good shape
Without getting it rightly shaved
People think I am severely enslaved

Wishing for Wishes

I hope I am not the only one who dislikes celebrating my birthday. Hmm, it's not exactly dislike but, it's about keeping low on this occasion. I turned off my birthday notifications in all social networks. Trying to be rational on this point, I believe that people will certainly wish me on my birthday if they remember it and if they really mean it. Those people are my family members and close friends.

I also don't want wishes from unwanted people or from those people with whom I haven't spoken to even once for a long time or from people who I hardly know. The notification on a social network will only act as an announcement: "Hey look! It's his birthday. It's your time to wish him!" or it could be other way around: "Guys! It's my birthday. Wish me!" It's like forcing them to wish me, even if they don't want to. I see some guys post their wishes just because other guys have wished me. Trust me, I have done it myself sometimes. Nobody wants to get their faces ugly. Otherwise, later that day, you might hear someone shouting: "Hey! Did you see? That guy did not wish him!"

The most obvious reason is, I am not a famous personality. Forget country or city, people don't even know of my existence in the locality where I live. So, why should I publicize my birthday when it is just another day for everyone else? Why should I disturb their routine? Even if I'll be a celebrity on that particular day, next day there will be noises around me: "Who was that guy anyway?" The most annoying part of birthday is we are clouding the fact that we are growing OLDER each year. We are forgetting this truth. And we are celebrating a day that is making us old. It's an alarm every year: "Remember! You are no longer young now!" How could anyone be happy or celebrate for that? I feel sick sometimes thinking of my age. And, I think of my age mostly on my birthday. I wish it could pass as just another day.

This reminds me! Think about wedding anniversaries. Anyone congratulating you on this occasion will be an indirect way of asking you "How the hell did you spend so many years with him/her? Are you OK? You are not the guy/gal you used to be. I am sure he/she has turned you mad!" Jokes apart, but I am happy for everyone who are happily married. I don't think I am trying to induce my thoughts into someone. I am just letting them loose.

Stay Out!

It was yet another Sunday afternoon, she looked steaming hot and absolutely delightful. By the way, she was very red - an absolute pleasure to my eyes. She was introduced to me as Ms. K by Mr. R. We became very quick friends and I fell in love with her in minutes! She was very charming.

I introduced Ms. K to my secretaries; Mr. T and Ms. S. These guys took great care of me since my birth. They always ensured my well being. So, I consider these people as the  most trustworthy people of my life. On escorting Ms. K to my home, Mr. T soothingly said to me "She is wonderful! Very good sir!". I was very glad that he approved of her. But when she met Ms. S, both exchanged spiteful glances at each other. I know, women won't do well with each other when a handsome guy like me is around them. I had the feeling that all they both need is time, to sort out things between themselves, and then everything will be just fine.

After dinner, I was lying on my bed working on my laptop, I heard heated arguments between Ms. S and Ms. K. I tried to take control of the situation. I even tried to understand what the matter was. All Ms. S said was "She does not belong here. She is unacceptable! I will throw her out!" I began sweating like anything. I tried to convince Ms. K very much, but I lost to her every time, because she is logically right all the time. I didn't know what to do. Soon, both women started to fight with swords and pistols. I was really feeling very uncomfortable and uneasy.

It was time to call in my external agent Mr. B. He has tremendous experience in handling such things incredibly well. He always comes to my help to clean up the mess. He wasted no time in acting swiftly. Meanwhile, I went to the restroom to freshen up. Soon, I realized that, it was not cease fire or settlement between the two women, but as a matter of fact, Ms. S had actually won the fight! Ms. K looked shamefully ugly and her hands were cuffed. Ms. S kicked me in the bottom and demanded; "Show her the way out and moving on, don't trouble me like this by letting such people in! I won't tolerate such things! Do I make myself clear?". I had no other choice but to agree with her, "Yes ma'am, you're perfectly clear."

I had very nice sleep later that night. I remembered the last words by Ms. S. I know, I will forget these words after few weeks.

*    *    *

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Ms. K - The very hot and spicy, Veg. Kolhapuri

Mr. R - Roti

Mr. T - My tongue

Ms. S - My very own stomach

Mr. B - Banana

Switching Languages

Well, it's not the first time to happen to me, but many times. I feel it is very strange. Sometimes, I also feel that people are strange. I don't really have an answer for this. But, I am never concerned about it. I just accept it as a joke on my part :)

First time it happened to me in my college during my first year of engineering. It was a mechanical lab session where all the students where are asked to solder some pieces metal together in order to form a required shape. I went to the lab assistant asking for more pieces of lead. You know, we had to melt those pieces, using a soldering gun, on the joints. I said, "Sir, box khaali aagide, Lead pieces illa. Nanage innu swalpa beku." in Kannada (The box is empty. There are no Lead pieces. I need some more). He stared at me with a great surprise. His eyes were bigger than they were. Now, I was surprised to see him taken aback wondering what made him to be surprised. I knew something went wrong. But what was it? He cleared his throat and finally he said "Hmm, tum  ek-do minute ke liye wait karo, mein leke aatha hoon." in Hindi (Wait for couple of minutes, I'll get them). This time, I was surprised to see him reply in a different language. I was about to say "OK sir, thank you" in Hindi when I started stammering because my tongue finds its difficult to switch languages quickly. I managed to say "Ada...ba...than...ka..da..", then tried very hard to stop talking and  managed to mute my voice. Later, I kept wondering - I think he understands Kannada, but he is unable to speak it or did he think I didn't know Kannada? What makes him think so? After a short while, I thought latter was true when he was talking to his colleagues in Kannada.

Later today a similar thing happened when I was waiting at a bus stop. It was quite late. I was doubtful whether I could catch a bus this time around. I asked a man who was standing close to me, "Sanjay Nagar ge hoguva bus sigabahude, eega?" in Kannada (Can I get a bus which goes to Sanjay Nagar by any chance now?). His quick reply was in English, "I am waiting for the same bus. We will be lucky if we get one. Time is already up. We might have missed it, but I am still waiting for it hoping that I did not miss it!". I nodded approvingly. This time I made sure my mouth is shut not to speak out anything! I was little surprised. It reminded of the situation which happened during my engineering. Again, after a while, I saw that man talking to a fellow passenger in Kannada.

These are the instances I can remember now. There are many more if I recall. There must be something about me that makes some people decide that I am a non Kannadiga. Am I so different by looks to some people that they fail to recognize me as a native Kannadiga? What's on me? I don't know. I just let it go. As long as it's not bothering me, I enjoy these moments and laugh about it. On a final note, beat this tongue twister:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

До свидания

What else can be a better occasion when Federer is playing Nadal in Men's Final of Roland Garos 2011. Nadal is leading the way till now: 7-5, 5-4. 

Meanwhile, I am putting down my tenth post here and I want it to be special. While my sister-in-law is busy preparing dinner, she scolds my niece furiously because of her carelessness, my nephew slid down the smooth floor, hurt his head and gave a shrieking cry of pain. Oh no! What's this? It started raining at the French Open now :( Play stopped! When will it resume?

What should I pen down here? Now, the highlights of the game. Cool, I missed watching the first set. Wait a minute! What else is remaining now? - The IP datagram header, the routing protocols, etc, then the transport layer; I wonder how long will that take? Man! I got so much to study. When will I complete this? Wow! How cool is that drop shot! Federer is always good in this. Now then, where was I? Hey, who's that blonde? Its a tie breaker for the second set.

Let it take time. I will still be getting the better of it. It will always good to learn these things whether its fruitful or not. Play resumed. An engineering graduate should know the network stack. Well, better stop writing this useless post; either watch the game or go back and study. Federer lost the second set. :( That's it! I will sign off. I will better watch the match. Hoping that he will make a comeback! I wonder whether that blonde went. Will the cameraman focus her face again?

*    *    *

That was all that was running in my mind for an hour. Are you people wondering what could be the meaning of the title of this post? Or you might be lost in guessing the language of it :) Its a Russian phrase for "Good bye", pronounced as Dus-vidaniaya. I thought about it from the Bollywood movie by the same name. In the movie, it somewhat relates to the meaning: "10 things to be done before you die". Mind you, its no good bye from me so early. I am sure there is lot ahead. By the way, Nadal won; 7-6, 7-5, 6-7, 6-1. It was a good fight though! And this is a good movie to watch. This is rumbling of thoughts in my mind when its not in a place this time around.

The Last Minute

I found myself in front of the examination hall. My friends, students wandered everywhere. They were filled with anxiety. And I was even more anxious; I couldn't remember a thing, my mind seemed completely lost.

The exam finally commenced. When I held out the question paper in my hand, I couldn't read it; some text appeared before my eyes. It was something related to engineering. I couldn't read it though. In the back of my mind, I knew something is wrong. I derived that I couldn't answer a thing. I was dominated by fear because I never fail in exams! But, this time, it was very clear; I am gonna fail!

Suddenly, I observed the supervisor got disappeared from the hall. The hall turned into frenzy. Every student scattered all round the campus in search of answers. I found my friend who knew some answers. We began answering the questions on the stairs of college library. I was glad I was able break the deadlock.

The cops appeared behind us. They chased us, scolded us and made us rush back to the examination hall. It was all happening. This time, there was no chance of cheating. Failure was near. I was not ready to accept it anyways. I folded my arms on the desk and rested my forehead on them. It was haunting me: "You are going to fail, there is no escape from it now!". Time was running out.

I started hearing a voice. I recognized that voice. It was calling my name. It was someone I knew; a dear one. My name was being called again & again. My body was shaken many times. I opened my eyes.

It was my sister. "Wake up! You are getting late for work". She was uncomfortable seeing me; I was shocked and feeling relieved at the same time. I looked around the room, I made sure it is real.

"Thanks a lot!", I said being grateful to her.

"Another exam in a bad dream?", she guessed.

"Yes! A nightmare. I hate early morning dreams."

"You failed, didn't you?"

"Almost!"

"I am very glad I didn't take up engineering!"

"I bet you are right!"

Please upload your resume

Sunday, 11:30 PM. It was a rainy night and I was waiting for the bus to arrive from Belgaum. The bus was supposed to arrive at Hubli by 11:00 PM, load its passengers and take off to Bangalore. I was already losing my patience as I had a huge luggage with me and I was completely drenched by rain. The bus finally arrived. I took a note of my seat number, placed my luggage above my seat and I settled down.

I found that I had a co-passenger beside me. A dark thin fellow wearing specs took a moment to have a glance at me and then looked outside through the glass window. The bus finally commenced its journey at 11:45 PM. Fifteen minutes later, we had an interesting conversation.

"Bangalore?", he asked.

"Yes, you?", I responded.

"Me too. Software Engineer?"

"Yes, you too?"

"No, I am a District Officer..."

I thought for one moment that he is a high profile government official. But, he looked quite young to hold this position.

"... of ABC Cements.", he completed.

Ahaa! he proved me wrong!

"Very nice. Pleased to meet you. And my brother works for XYZ Cements.", I said.

"You know ABC Cements is very popular as compared to XYZ Cements. XYZ Cements is quite new and lacks quality."

"I don't agree. You cannot say that. You might be knowing, XYZ Cements is one of the tough competitors of ABC Cements. Although it may not be as popular as ABC Cements, its popularity has grown rapidly in recent years."

He took a step forward and started explaining what ABC Cements is doing to fight for being the best cement manufacturer across the country. And why should people work for ABC Cements. And slowly he began to project himself as superman of ABC Cements. "I am doing this... I am in charge of many units...blah blah blah", etc, etc, etc. To all these things, my replies were "Good, good!", "Oh, that's nice!", "Cool!", "You are doing a great job!", etc. This went on for 15 minutes.

"Now then, why don't ask your brother join ABC Cements, I'll take care of him. Here's my card.", he said. Obviously, his phone number, e-mail address and company's website were mentioned in it. "I am not sure whether my brother is looking for a change now, it seems that he is quite happy with what he is doing. But, yes, if he changes his mind, I will ask him to send his resume to you." I said.

"No, no, no! Don't take the trouble of sending his resume to me, just ask him to upload the resume in our company's website.", he responded spontaneously. I was completely taken aback and baffled by this reply. How could he ask me to upload a resume in his company's website when he is acting as a direct reference to me. I would have sent the resume to this guy. Moreover companies will be more considerate if an employee recommends a potential candidate directly, as it may cut down few steps of their standard procedure. I did not show any surprises and I calmed myself down quickly.

"By the way, I also have a younger brother", he said.

"Oh, I see!"

"He graduated last year"

"Hmm, that's good!"

"He is in search of a job now. Please give me your business card."

"Cool! Here you go."

"Are there any openings in your company?"

"Oh, yes! There are many open positions. I am one of the interviewers."

"Fine then, I will ask him to send his resume to you."

"No, no, no! Don't take the trouble of sending his resume to me, just ask him to upload the resume in our company's website. Its mentioned on my business card", I responded instantly, without a second thought!

Rest of the night was spent without a word between us! I reached Bangalore with a smile on my face.

This short story based on the experience of my co-worker.