In Love With Death
I am crying to release myselfFrom the shackles of death;
My tears are turning into vapors
Against my warm cheeks
That are burning because of
The salt in my oozing sweat.
I am barely able to take a step;
And yet I am pushed to walk
To feel the bruising pain of
The fetters around my ankles.
Holding an old and rusty cup
Of a few gulps of dirty water,
And walking with clumsy steps,
With my hands inside the cuffs:
Which are designed such that
The fingers turn hard and stiff;
They cannot clasp anything
Except for heavy rocks of burden.
After a lifetime of carrying them
I am thrown in a deserted land
Like an unfed defenseless animal.
My mouth is parched of thirst,
And I cannot even bring the cup
To my lips as it cuts my wrists
That will make me bleed to death.
I want to take a few breaths
To live a few moments more,
Even in this dying hope
To get a glimpse of you.
Because you know my darling,
You are worth dying for.
Even a hazy memory of you
Adds a drop of life in me.
It is time; I surrender to death
By getting fed into the inferno.
I shout and scream for mercy;
My screeching throat tears open
Until it exudes tiny drops of blood;
But they are vaporized instantly
Due to the blaze of the raging fire.
But something flashed before my eyes
A moment before my last breath;
Then I smiled and embraced my end.
With you always by my side,
I was never left alone!
You were my guardian angel.
So I was not unfortunate after all:
To have no bonds, no memories,
No sorrows, no joys, no love -
A life without struggles or feelings!
If I had absolutely nothing to lose,
I would have left empty-handed
Except for loneliness and regret.
Instead, I realized how lucky I was:
With my share of love and joy,
I had something precious to lose,
Something which I left behind;
That made my life worth living.
Notes
This poem is inspired by the lines in the movie: Kingsman: The Golden Circle. When I was watching the film and saw these lines delivered, I was awestruck. Then I wrote this poem later that night at 2 AM.
Harry Hart: When I was shot, can you guess what the last thing was that flashed through my mind? It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret.
[Harry pours the martini in two glasses]
Eggsy: I'm sorry.
Harry Hart: Don't be. Just know that having something to lose...
[hands martini to Eggsy]
Harry Hart: is what makes life worth living. Now, lets go and save your girl.
Eggsy: I missed you, Harry.
Secondly, the reference to the 'companion' is not to be taken literally. It is not just a lover or a life partner that we lose when we die. But we also lose what we passionately love doing. Like the poet leaves behind his lifetime of poems, the artist leaves behind his paintings, and so on.
September 7, 2019
